New Lampwork Beads!

I listed these on Facebook, because I don’t want to sell them for 40% off, but I don’t want to end the sale either.

This is Grass on the Dunes

This set is from my Line Art series. This set is SOLD!

Another Line Art set.

This is my early start on Valentine’s Day!

I haven’t decided how much longer I will keep the 40% off sale going. I really need to bring in some money for rent and bills. My art is my only source of income, and lately I’m just barely hanging on.

Oops!

I put the last post in the wrong blog. It should have gone into the Snaggletooth blog. Oh well! The cats and my art are both an integral part of who I am.

I finally spent some time at the torch! I made dark ivory beads with fine silver wire. Yes, I found my silver wire. Not all of it, but some that I had already cut into pieces to apply to beads. I’ll etch them and they will look nice. I’m not sure what I will do next.  Tonight I will be making some polymer “gingerbread” people after I clean my clay table! It has reached the point where it’s crossed over from creative clutter to a mess. So I will straighten it up before I go back to work on clay.

My half price sale ends tonight and I’m a bit disappointed that I didn’t get more sales. I did ok, but I was hoping to do better. I’m going to blame it on the economy, because I do good work. I’m not going to buy any more glass ornaments, but I may get another package of bells. I need some black clay and we are going to Palmdale tomorrow, so I’ll see if Michaels has any. I really think I should focus more on the glass beads than the clay, but the clay is less expensive to work with. I spend a good bit of my time caught between the rock and the hard place of not being able to spend the money I need to make money.

I’ve been looking for a part time job but there just isn’t anything available. And I am having some significant trouble with my back and shoulder, but since I’m unemployed I have no health insurance and I don’t qualify for any kind of state aid, so I can’t go to the doctor. The rock and the hard place again. I have to admit I get discouraged with the constant struggle. If it weren’t for help from some very wonderful friends, I’d probably be homeless by now. I was really hoping I’d make enough money in November to catch up my rent but it didn’t happen. Not only am I short the rest of November’s rent but I don’t have December’s either. If the rental company decides they are tired of working with me, I’m in big trouble. I always pay them, it’s just that sometimes it’s late. I did manage to get my car insurance and registration paid. Thank Goddess for that! I know things could be much worse, and I try to stop the negative self-talk and remind myself to allow prosperity into my life.

Jack is at the hospital overnight

They need a stool sample and he hadn’t provided one by the time they closed for the day, so he stayed over. They can’t determine what’s wrong with him until they can test his poop for parasites. I think he has Giardia, and the vet says it could be that or that he has IBD, Irritable Bowel Disease. Whatever it is, I think Jill has it too.

Speaking of Jill, I had a break through with her this evening. I picked her up and loved on her for a while, and then I put her down, and now when I walk up to her she doesn’t run away from me. She purrs and kneads when I pick her up and pet her, and I think she’s finally got the connection between me, the human, and the enjoyment of being petted. Yes! One more step on the way to being a good pet for someone. She’s actually further along than Callie, but I’m starting to think that Callie will never be really comfortable with humans. That, or it’s just going to take a long time. She is improving, but very slowly.

I want to get this intestinal problem resolved so that Jack and Jill can spend the winter indoors with us rather than outside. We need to figure out what it is and get it treated before Callie gets it. I can’t afford for her to get sick. Yikes!

No bells at Michaels…

Oh, great. Just great. I wonder if my luck can get any worse, or if I’ve finally hit the bottom. I was going to blog about it but I know nobody wants to hear it and I just don’t even have the ambition to type it out. I need to go get some apple cider vinegar. I’ve got indigestion. Gee, I wonder what brought that on?

I finally found some bells!

I got them at Michaels. They are a little bigger and a little different looking than the Kmart ones but they are close enough. Also, they don’t have to be baked 5 minutes at a time. The paint doesn’t peel off on these when it gets hot. Woohoo! It makes it so much easier to cure them. Because they are a little bigger I’m putting a bit more detail on them but I’m not going to charge any more. They will still be 3 for 12.00. They only had this style in red, gold and green, but I may try using some alcohol inks to change the color on some of them. I may be able to get a purple or blue that way. I don’t think Kmart is going to have them this year.

I’m hoping to sell some really quick so I can give the landlord at least some of the rent I owe. I’m still hoping that one of the jobs I’ve applied for will pan out. I’d love to get a part time regular job to supplement the art income. My physical problems are going to be a stumbling block but that’s just something I have to deal with.

I still need to call the local mental health center, because I need to change my anti depressant. I’ve been on Zoloft for 12 years and it just isn’t working as well as it should. I get social anxiety and that makes it tough to go out looking for a job.

I was feeling pretty hopeless this morning, but I managed to work through it, mostly because I just sat down and started decorating bells. Creativity is good medicine.

November is here…

And I am trying to make it to the end of the year. I applied online to the gas station company that is taking over the fuel center at Albertsons. I went to the address they listed for face-to-face interviews and it wasn’t there. No signs, no balloons, no nothing. I drove all up and down that street and saw them nowhere. So I’m wondering if they either had the wrong date on the ad or they had to cancel for some reason. There was no phone number in the ad to call. But I did fill out the online app and I’ll keep checking to see if maybe it’s going to be later this week. Meanwhile I will update my Kmart app and check to see if I need to update my Save Mart app.

Kmart still hasn’t gotten those freakin’ bells in, and I’m beginning to worry that they won’t be carrying them this year. I’ve been making gingerbread ornaments and have sold two sets. I’ve sold several glass ornaments, but to be honest I’d hoped to sell more by now, even with the bad economy. I’ll have several sets of lampwork beads for sale soon. I also got a request for some of my polymer book marks. I may make some more of them. They do make great stocking stuffers. I think book marks may become obsolete though, what with the e-readers getting less and less expensive.

Sometimes I wonder what the point is to my life and the ongoing struggles. If it weren’t for some very dear people who’ve helped me lately I don’t know where I’d be. Not anywhere good! I’m supposed to call the local mental health center about getting re-evaluated and change my antidepressants. I’ve been on this one for about 12 years, and it just isn’t working like it should. After a while it becomes evident that something isn’t right. I wonder how many creative people suffer from depression?

Monday morning

Another day.  Another week of taking the kids to school and back. I’m out of propane so I’ve been working with clay. I got a request for some bookmarks which I haven’t made in a few years. It’s funny how I forget about things I used to make.

I’m still job hunting, hoping to find something soon to supplement my art income. The art income is not much more than coffee money at this point. And no, I don’t go to Starbucks for my coffee. I make it myself or get the dollar coffee at McDonalds. Last month I made 469.00 in income from my Etsy store. That’s not even going to pay the rent much less utilities and food. Not much there to make me feel like I have something to offer as an artist.

I kind of wish I could pack up and move somewhere else. Somewhere where I’m around people who “get” me and don’t shake their heads and wonder when I’m going to quit fooling around and live in the real world. Ha! Where’s the real world? Because if it’s giving up being an artist and spending the rest of my life slogging along in a job I hate just so I can have a roof over my head, then I’d rather stay in my fantasy.

If I don’t post much…

It’s not because I don’t have anything to say. Or maybe it is. It’s because I often feel like I don’t have anything to say that anyone would want to read. If you don’t see me post my beads in gallery threads, it’s because most of the time I don’t feel like my work is on par with the other work in the gallery.

If I don’t join the local art gallery, it’s because I can’t afford the fees and commission. It’s also because I constantly battle the feeling that my work isn’t good enough. And that it will get lost in the ocean of other art that is displayed for sale there.

I do post ads for beads, etc in my Etsy store. I do this because right now it is my only source of income. I continue to look for a “regular” job but haven’t found one yet. It really is difficult for a middle aged woman to find work. There is always someone younger, stronger, with less of a messed up body who can do the job that I want. 20+ years of retail have really taken their toll.

When I was in high school, I was one of the most talented artists on campus. That’s not conceit; it’s simple fact. But I suffered from social anxiety and was standoffish and reclusive. Because of this I was labeled “that stuck up artist”. I wasn’t stuck up. I just didn’t know how to communicate and was afraid of being out there with other people. I didn’t think of myself as the most talented artist in my school. Not back then. I was just someone who had to do art, and was extremely shy and scared of the world. Because of this I went through school as an outcast. There were other factors that contributed to this but in the interest of privacy toward some of the people in my circle, I won’t go into them here. I didn’t have the support of my parents when it came to my artistic talent and that is still true today. I never felt like it was ok for me to just be me. I think that to this day I am still looking for validation, to be acknowledged for who I am. I don’t seek fame or fortune, I just want to feel like it’s ok for me to be here and be who I am. At 56 years old I feel like a child seeking the approval of her parents, which is something I’ve never had.

October Sale in my Etsy store

http://www.etsy.com/shop/cherylsart

I’m running a 25% off sale till the 28th on everything in my store. I’ve got all kinds of great goodies!

The kittens go to the vet on Monday

I just got through cleaning up the back bedroom for them, which includes breaking down my torch area and vacuuming under the table to make sure there are no bits of glass for them to step on. I’m going to go get a couple of cheap plastic table cloths for the floor and an aluminum foil roasting pan to use as a litter box. I have to retrieve some of their poop for analysis by the vet. Fun! But it will be worth it to make sure they are treated properly for their intestinal parasites.

I saw a black tom cat nosing around the porch looking for leftover food. I remember him from a year or two ago when he was a kitten. He has long legs and paws that are way too big for the rest of him. I’ve never seen that on a cat. He’s one that needs to be trapped and neutered. I try not to leave any food out there but once in a while they don’t eat it all. Anyway, once I get these two taken care of I’ll see what I can do about him.